Will I ever fall in love again?

Recently this question has been playing in my head. It does seems scary, but still I do believe I will.

All those lovey-dovey, mushy mushu emo feelings, all surrounding my atmosphere, the feeling of being adored, and love by my partner, and my constant affection towards her. Do I really want that? YES I DO!

Love is a very funny thing. Not even getting near the word "RELATIONSHIP". My thought is this, at this age of mine, relationship is no longer about losing and dying for the one you love, but is more about practicality. Can you still afford to sacrifice what you have already establish so far in life, just for a girl who probably is just starting out in life. Is very difficult.

Will you still be able to provide the security to her with all this constant change of careers and life direction. It is rather quite impossible.

Every stages in life, takes on a different challenge. When you are young, love is simple, is about you loving for the coolest guy, or the guy that sweep you off your feet. Maybe the girl that is the most popular in school.

And as age is catching up, we start to move into the work force. Careers and vision in life becomes a concern, status and financial power will be a gauge to your success. Influence and relationship will be a constant battle in everyday life.

And needless to say, as we start hitting our 30, it is the time we start to think of marriage and settling down. What we have is no longer important. But we really desire the companionship with someone we love, and will love us back.

In that sense, I do feel the 30 is hitting soon, maybe I do plan ahead too much, but still age will still catch up, and by the time you realize it, you have wrinkles popping out, and eye backs as deep as the blackhole. And I do really desire a companionship. someone who will love me for who I am, and I will too for her.

But I am yet to meet that person.

What ever it is, one thing is for sure, constant self growth is always vital. And I never believe that you should ever stunt your growth for anything in the world. A good self preparation for seasons and challenge is life is always essential. When things starts to happen, we are always ready to conquer.

Will I guess thats it. Keep the faith and hope for the best. God will provide, because He always do. =)

Year end mood

Well, I am starting to feel the year end mood.

Last Friday, I decided to have a small thanksgiving cell group. Change the sermon message towards a thanksgiving heart for 2009.

As I look back towards this year, I realized so many things had happened, and truly, this is a year of transformation. Every area of my life was transformed. From family, to career and even towards my relationship.

This year is the year that I have been through the most hardship, betrayal, and also emotion battles.

The wave is some sort of subside, and things are getting to see the light. All in all, I just want to thank God for an amazing year. and indeed, It will only become more exciting the next year.

This year I learnt to be more patient, to be more humble, to love more and to appreciate things and people around me.

This year I turn 25. Is a good thing my birthday is an the end of the year. It does give me a sense of thought to see what I have done, and what I will be doing for the next 1 year before I turn 26.

25 is always special, 25 is a year, people start to really think about their life, really start changing, and becoming mature. I hope I did. 3 more weeks to go and I am officially 25.

I really can't wait!

Tahan, tahan, tahan!!

I am sitting in front of my comp at 3am in the morning. Was suppose to be here helping out a friend for some issues, and it was suppose to be a favor. Now end up he is sleeping, and I am here wondering why I am even here, when I can be home sleeping.

Sigh... Sometimes I just don't know what to do and who to please anymore. I super sien now. Wake him up, but he still goes back to sleep. I understand that he is tired. But if so, then we shouldn't have plan to do it tonight.

Sigh... Is ok la. I just finish up the stuff I need to do and go to sleep la. Can I don't care already? But then again, I have promised to help. And I am a man of my word. I will surely finish what I have started. I just wish things can be done the way it is planned.

Now I will never know when it will finish, and the stuff I need to accomplish seems far fetch.

Just great Jeff!

Call me desperate!

But really, I am just wondering when can my singlehood end.

I admit is is like 3am in the morning, I am at church installing software and while I am waiting for the software to load, I am thinking about my love life.

Quite sad rite? I know.

But what to do, when you are turning 25 soon, but still got no one to call darling.

Lord, I pray! That my singlehood will end soon, send me the love of my life. I will love her and cherish her, I will make her the princess in my family. Amen!



So sweet rite? I know. But why still single ler? =P

PS: My prayer is as sincere as the picture! huhu~

Crazily Buzy!

Finally a blog after so many week of MIA.

I tell you my life is covered with work, and to kick start a company is freakingly now easy. A lot of ground work to cover, And when you get people that doesn't cooperate with you, is a obstacle in itself.

But anyway, it is still all good, when human being is out of their comfort zone, that is when they will grow! Amen!

SO I will not lose heart, and make thing happen! So many things to do, but so little time to do it.

Gambate ne!

Low Self Esteem?

I suddenly think that I am suffering from low self esteem.

I kinda been very negative towards thing spoken into my life. Kinda looking at things on a bad perspective. I shouldn't be thinking that rite?

Think positive!
Think positive!
Think positive!

Is all good! Jeff Jeff you are the best!

You know that. You are the best!!

Mix Feelings??!!

2 more days then I am leaving! I am leaving Proton and moving on.

You think I should be happy right?

Actually I don't feel at all this way. I kinda am not looking forward to my new job, at the same I am. Is like neither here nor there. But still it is time to go.

Good bye, Proton. Good bye Lotus. The next time I come back, is either I go yum cha with the guys, or I am working on a project for Proton.

I hope this is the right choice. I really hope I won't regret this.

Sigh...

I seriously damn emo now. If only I could stay. If only someone will just keep me back. I might seriously reconsider. sigh...

It's 1st June on Monday!

And I feel good!

*yes* *yes*

Feast?

Is not called a feast when no one is happy to be there.



Sigh... Is sad to see things like that happen, when it ought to be a fun thing to do. But when legalism starts to creep in, then is no longer a fun thing.

I really hope to just faster get it over with, and then forget about this ever happen.

Just fed up with all the argument about what is right and was is wrong, can't we just enjoy and be happy. Sigh...

Unmotivated

These few weeks have been a bit of a bored in the office, well not to say there is nothing to do or anything, there is plentiful to be done and accomplished. But is just that people in the department is kinda losing the edge, one after another leaving. It does affect the atmosphere of office.



I thought it wouldn't affect me, I am all tough and emotional-less, but I think it does start to slowly creep into my feeling. I do sometimes thing why didn't I ever let go of such a good offer, and stayed back, when in front of me everything seems to be not going well. But yet I strongly feel in my heart I should stay. And that is what I did.

I am trying really hard to stay calm and strong in my workplace, but is just not easy.

Do keep me in prayer. I have always think that I can go far here at Proton. I believe.

To be happy or not?

I have been receiving a lot of complains, and hearing rumors being spread all around the office about me. I feel beaten down and upset about it.

The whole issue about my absent in the office really made everyone hate me, I just don't understand why. I did my part, and I completed everything I needed to do before I left. Anything after that just got to wait till I come back after my leave. But it seem it isn't so. Everything turned upside down. No one knows how to do process with their work because I wasn't around the work.

This is bad, really really bad! This means I will be doom to be sitting in my office to work until the day I decide to move on, cause no one other than me knows how to do the work I do, should I then be demanding for more pay and increases in benefits? sigh...

Anyway now I have to face all the tension everyone have on me. I hope something major will happen to someone else and my story will be history. If really they think that my job is that simple, why don't they do it themselves. is just 2 days, give me a break!

Anyway, I am glad I finish my work, and finally my weekend break starts, I better go have some fun before the stress comes again.

I am happy! I believe...